Dumb and Dumber

Honestly? I never saw the movie Dumb and Dumber either in the theaters or on HBO. I basically know the premise, though. It’s all about the cross-country adventures of two incredibly stupid friends.

It’s about Christine O’Donnell and Michele Bachman, right?

Just when we thought it was safe to go back into the water, Christine O’Donnell flies by on her broom – this time right out of a CNN interview with Piers Morgan. You see, he had the gall to ask her questions about gay marriage. Really, Christine? You fly out of an interview because someone’s asked you to qualify your stand against gay marriage, rather than just letting you skirt around the “issues” you claim you have with them? I’m appalled!

Or maybe you were frustrated because he used really big words during the interview like

Apparently, Ms. O’Donnell published a book – which is why she was originally on CNN, from what I understand. The fact that she wrote a book is incredibly surprising. I didn’t even know she could read. And that’s what has me scratching my head. Why would she even think that the world would want to read what she thinks? Is she really going to make money off this thing? She’s already said enough in the last Senatorial election.

But then, we can’t forget her buddy, Michele Bachman – the Harry to her Lloyd. She, who feels that homosexuality is a choice of life, and something that can be cured – at least according to her husband, who feels that gays are “barbarians [that] need to be educated.” She, who signed a document suggesting that African American families were more stable when slavery was legal. (Is she serious?!?!)

And yet the hysterics continue every time she opens her mouth (these are real quotes of hers):

  • “If we took away the minimum wage — if conceivably it was gone — we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” (Um… wasn’t that why they started the minimum wage thingy? Remember the history books? Sweatshops? Slavery?)
  • “Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” (Wait. Let’s try a little experiment. Let’s put you in your garage with the car full of gas and running, and all the doors and windows closed. Let’s run the experiment for, say, 5 hours and log our findings. After all, carbon dioxide isn’t harmful…)
  • “Gay marriage is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.” (Um… Huh??)
  • “[W]e also know that the very founders that wrote [the Constitution] worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.” (Oh, man… Are you serious?!? So that’s what the Constitution was all about! Then I guess that means the Founding Fathers are to blame for the instability of African American families today, huh? Whoda thunk?)

But what is the scariest thing in all of this is that (a) people are actually going out to buy Christine O’Donnell’s book, even if it is just to fix the wobbly leg on the coffee table; and (b) Michele Bachman is, according to the GOP and the Tea Party, a viable candidate for the 2012 election. Well, if nothing more, at least we’ll have fodder for many great skits on Saturday Night Live to watch – and it won’t even require writers to make it up.