Terrified

It might not be Halloween, and we might not even be in the month of October, but with the cold weather (it’s only gotten up to the mid-60’s today in our neck of the woods, with a cold, chilly rain all day), it is reminiscent of those fall days when we start to think about those creepy stories, and Halloween nights, and things that go bump in the night.

So those of you who know me may have already heard this story. It’s not new; it happened about two years ago (now that I think about it). But I think it bears repeating (at least once for the blog) to share with the whole world what it’s like to be an absolute doofus!

Some time ago… <fade to the scene of the past through wavy lines>

…there was a whole ruckus in our neighborhood. A murderer had gotten loose and was being chased by the police. To avoid being caught, he ran through our neighborhood, broke into one of the homes, and barricaded himself. The SWAT team was called and a 6-hour standoff ensued, ending with the police shooting out all the windows of the house with tear gas guns, and smoking him out. The murderer was caught and everyone else lived happily ever after.

<cut to a few weeks later>

My partner and I were getting ourselves ready for bed, getting our water, taking our evening Vitameatavegamin (10 points if you know where that’s from?), making sure all the doors were bolted, all the windows closed and locked, all the lights off. It was a scene out of the perfect story. We said good night to each other and dozed off to la-la land. (Okay… I was snoring like a banshee, and he was hitting his head against the wall to try to get some sleep). Eventually we were both in a deep sleep, when all of a sudden we were awakened by the sound of a loud *CRASH*! We sat bolt upright in bed, my partner cowering behind me, and were horrified to hear blood-curdling, high-pitched screams of voices screaming “WHO’S THERE!!! WHO’S THERE!!!”

Then we realized it was us….

Still, we were sure we’d heard something like breaking glass. Surely someone had smashed through one of the windows – but which one??

We ran around the house is our skivvies, turning on all the lights in every room, just knowing we were going to come face to face with a vicious criminal who’d just bust his way through a window (all the while talking very loudly so they’ll get scared and run off!!). We searched all the floors, and searched all the rooms, and all the windows (thinking maybe he’d actually been scared and run off!), but there was no broken glass anywhere. (In my mind, I was replaying the scene from the horror movie where the police call in a panicked frenzy to tell us “They’re calling from inside the house!!”)

Calming slightly from our panic, we thought perhaps the sound had come from our neighbor’s house. So at 3:00 in the blessed morning, we call our neighbor to make sure all her windows were intact, and to let her know we were going to call the police. Surely they could save us!

It wasn’t until after we hung up with our neighbor (who assured us she was just fine and had been sleeping when we called – whoda thunk??), we walked into the master bathroom (the one room without any windows). There, in the tub, laid the suction-cupped basket we’d had suction-cupped in the corner to hold body wash, shampoo, brushes, scrungies, razors, mirrors (don’t ask), and the like. There was our culprit. There was our Boogieman. There was our sanity right out the window!

I really wish I could say that I made this one up and that it played out differently. But alas, I guess we really are guys who’ll jump at things that go bump in the night…

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