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Did you ever have one of those days when it seemed like everything was getting in your way and pissing you off? Other drivers, buses, elevators: they’re all out to get in my way, make me late, and piss me off.

Other Drivers

The other day, as I was driving into work, I needed to take a side road because there was a stopped school bus in front of me. Since I was on my way to work and didn’t know how long it would take the dear little children to board their yellow bus and take their precious seats, I high-tailed it on the first left I could grab to get around it and keep moving. It was such a smart move! The Universe parked a bus in front of me and I dodged it artfully!

Now happy with myself that I was quick-thinking enough to outsmart a school bus, I continue driving down the residential neighborhood. But no, my ordeal had only just begun. A woman in a big SUV (which she clearly couldn’t drive) decided to do a U-turn in front of me. In a residential neighborhood like this, it would normally take a 3-point turn to do so. Sadly, she needed 6 points to make her turn, blocking the street for the entire time she attempted her navigation. Mind you, there was no one else on the street behind me – meaning she really could have waited until I was past before she attempted this Herculean effort, but no. That would have made sense. Instead, she did it in front of me to prove that she really shouldn’t have been driving anything larger than a tricycle with streamers on the handlebars.

After she finally got the car turned around, I thought perhaps she would just continue driving. Unfortunately, she had other plans and proceeded to drive slower than a walk, slooooooowly reached the end of the street near the stop sign and slooooooowly pulled over to the curb. Would you PLEASE get out of my way?

Buses

Anyone who would have been in the car with me at the time would have thought I started speaking in tongues. Well, that with apoplexy.

As I began to breathe again, I realised that my harrowing ordeal was over and I could finally be on my way. That “other driver” was out of my way and I could continue on my way to the office.

DART (the country’s worst local transit authority) has a habbit of usually blocking the entrance to the parking garage so people can’t get in (or out). This particular day, one bus left a little gap where the entrance was; but as I started to drive up to it, the driver started pulling up to block it while simultaneously trying to pull out. I slammed my hand on the horn (which, by the way, never sounds like GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY! – but sounds more like pst… psssst…) as I was turning in front of the bus to get into the garage. The moronic driver just kept moving, forcing me to drive over a part of the sidewalk to get into the entrance! Holy crap! ARE YOU BLIND?

I thought my ordeal was over … until I reached … the elevators!

Elevators

Getting an elevator in my building is a daunting task. It’s like playing Whack-A-Mole. There are four elevators. Elevator 1 opens, but as you walk down to get in, the doors close just as you get to it. Elevator 4 opens, and it’s a farther walk; it stays open, but as you come to the doors, they close. Then Elevator 2 opens…. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Sometimes I swear the security guards are watching it and press the buttons to close the doors whenever I get near the entrance.

Till I finally got onto an elevator that hadn’t tried to close its doors on my ears (did I just hear the security guard chuckle?), it quickly loaded up with about 10 people – each needing to stop at a different floor, with me going to the top of the building (breathing deeply).

On a day where I started out leaving 15 minutes early for work; I ended up 5 minutes late. Thankfully, it was the day I was scheduled to have my accupuncture treatment – because you know, if it wasn’t for acupuncture, I’d be in prison!

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