Gabriel Metsu - Man Writing a Letter

Gabriel Metsu – Man Writing a Letter

Dear Fellow Diner Patrons,

It was indeed a pleasure to dine with you for breakfast on Mother’s Day. The food was delicious, as I’m sure everyone will attest, and the company was (as always) outstanding. However, there were a few things I noticed and thought I would bring them to your attention before the next major holiday.

First of all, it’s a holiday – and in restaurant terms, “holiday” means “busy as hell.” If you’re willing to wait for an hour and a half for a table at Cheesecake Factory, then don’t complain that 20 minutes at the diner is going to consume you.

If you’re waiting for them to call your name for a table, standing right inside the door (and blocking the entrance) is not an ideal place to stand. Additionally, invading my personal space while blocking said entrance is also not an optimal choice. There are other places where you can stand and be comfortable – like how about a few steps in the other direction or even outside with your family of 7 with loud children under 4? After all, it’s a lovely day.

And speaking of those dear children of yours, they totally remind me of my childhood days when Mom and Dad would take my brothers and me to a restaurant… but sadly that’s where the comparison ends. If my brothers and I ever acted up like your dear children, we would have been taken home immediately and had our hides tanned (without threat, and for good reason). Instead of having instructed your children in the nuances of acceptable public dining (or in any acceptable code of public conduct, for that matter), you stood there yelling at your dear little angel, threatening (with empty threats) that if they did “that” one more time, you were going to make them wait for the table outside (of course, I believe I’d heard you sat that at least 4 times…)

While you’re waiting for your table, standing inside and leaning with a bunch of other large adults against a glass display case is not acceptable. They have a tendency to move and scare the crap out of all those who were leaning on it (which I do believe is what happened). Instead, stand up like the adult you profess to be… or clean something. I do believe the restaurant server’s motto is, “If you have time enough to lean, you have time enough to clean.”

It’s also not acceptable to wait for your table by standing and hovering over a nearby table (i.e., mine). Though I’m sure your company is lovely, it’s not the company I’d chosen for that morning.

Lastly, remember: it’s a holiday. I’m sure you enjoy being there – that’s why you’re waiting around for your table right next to mine – but your server probably doesn’t. Considering it was Mother’s Day, one of the busiest restaurant days of the year, your servers probably would have wanted to be home with their children or with their mothers – or dining at one of the tables you were waiting for! So remember to be kind, to be patient, and to tip extra. Put yourself in their sneakers.

Hopefully, if you work on these simple little items between now and the next restaurant holiday, we’ll all be a little happier.

Hugs and kisses,
The Curious Bloke