I know a lot of people who have a love/hate relationship with Comcast Cable Company. Just mention the name “Comcast” to just about anyone who lives in the Philadelphia region, and they’ll start sputtering and cussing about how they suck, their customer service is the worst, they feel they’re being price-gouged, their cable is always messed up… The list just goes on and on (if they don’t first have a stroke).

Me, however? I’ve always loved Comcast. To me, their customer service was always on the money. They’ve always been very responsive, the service has always been good, we’ve almost never lost our cable television, the Internet connection has almost always worked (and I started with them from – quite literally – day one when then introduced their Internet service. I think I was the first installation they did in the state of DE.) And whenever I had a problem, I’d call them and they would be out to take care of it immediately – even if it was a Sunday!

That all changed this past week.

No, I’m not going to go on a rampage until I turn purple and burst an artery. However, the incompetence I experienced with their Internet people was beyond measure. I’m fine, now; but I continue to believe my motto: “If you’re not getting the answers you should be getting, you’re simply not talking to the right person.”

It all started last week when the Internet went out. I simply had to reboot my modem, and it was working again. No biggie. But then a few days later, the Internet speed got very slow – so slow that we weren’t able to stream movies and shows through HuluPlus or Netflix any longer. Since a reboot of the modem (again) didn’t work, I called Comcast to discuss with the my options, only to find out that nothing could be done for a couple of days by them. However, I could go out and purchase my own modem to replace the ailing one (it was, after all, over 7 years old!).

So I trekked over to the local Best Buy to pick one up and found one. While there, I spoke with a (very hot) Xfinity employee who told me the modem I’d chosen was good with Comcast (they’re the same company, after all), and then pulled up my account on his computer and suggested some upgrades to our account. In the end, he doubled our Internet speed, added Starz and some other channels to what we already had, and lowered our monthly bill by about $50 per month!

If I wasn’t already married, I would have kissed him full on the mouth!

But when I got home and plugged my new modem in, it only got me Internet access to Comcast’s website for me to “activate” the privately owned modem. Of course, this required a phone call to Customer Service. After working with them on the phone for a little over an hour, they still were unable to get the account working properly on their end, and needed to escalate my trouble ticket to the next higher level. Someone would be calling me within 24-72 hours.

24 to 72 hours?? You mean I have to go without my Internet for up to 3 days until someone called me??

By the next day, I called again to find out what the status was on the ticket. I was told “someone has been assigned to it, and you’ll be hearing from someone probably tonight.”

So I patiently waited until the next day.

I called the next day to find out the status of the ticket. Once again, I got the assistance of a newbie Tier I assistant who tried to walk me through the exact same issues they did 2 days prior, despite my pleadings that we’ve already done this 2 days ago – but to no avail.

For the next hour and a half (!!) he tried this, that, and the other thing; he tried changing this on the account, he tried sending that signal to the modem (and getting the same error codes I told him he would get), until finally he came to the same conclusion the techs got 2 days ago that the problem was with the accounting codes… then transferred me to someone in billing. The poor girl didn’t know a thing about getting my modem working, but tried everything she could, then transferred me back to yet another newbie Tier I techie who – you guessed it – tried to solve my problem with the same steps we did 2 days ago. When he told me he was going to transfer me to billing, I nearly snapped.

No, you are NOT going to transfer me to Billing again! I was just transferred to you from Billing! If you need to include someone in Billing on this call, patch them in on a 3-way call so we can all talk about it together!

Even though he assured me he would, he ended up transferring me to the dreaded Voice Mail Hell, “Thank you for calling Comcast! Press 1 if you’re having problems with your…

I slammed the phone down (well, about as well as you can slam a cell phone button to hang up… God, I miss those days with landlines when you could actually slam a phone down on someone to make a statement!).

I called back, punched through the prompts until I got to someone (another Tier I newbie) and immediately asked to speak with his Supervisor. After much convincing, I finally got one who promised me (after I went through the entire story again, because I swear they don’t read what’s been going on in the account profile!) that they would send a technician out to the house tomorrow.

Curious Bloke: No, you will not send someone out tomorrow, because I won’t be here tomorrow. I’m here today.

Lying Comcast Supervisor: Well, then I’ll put in a request to have someone come out tonight, but it might be as late as 8:00 PM.

Curious Bloke: Fine! Send someone out today! I’m here!

Lying Comcast Supervisor: Sir, we apologize for the inconvenience you’re experiencing, and we’ll credit your account for the time you are without service.

Curious Bloke: Get this straight… It’s not about the money! It’s about not having my Internet!

Later in the day, I called back again, to make sure we had an appointment with a technician, and lo and behold! There was no such appointment. Instead, there was another Tier I newbie trying to figure out my problem!

You guessed it. The first words out of my mouth were, “I think you need to get me a Supervisor.” Despite his protests that he could fix my issues, I continued to tell him, “No, you need to get me a Supervisor.”

After the fifth time asking for a Supervisor, he finally transferred me to one. Within 45 minutes, he had my Internet working (after 3 days without Internet).

Once again, I was ready to kiss someone full on the mouth if I wasn’t married already (and this time I didn’t even know what he looked like).

So, long story short (I know… too late!) if you’re not getting the answers you expect, you’re not talking to the right person. So I’m back in love with Comcast/Xfinity.

The only problem is … I’m starting to feel a little like a whore!